On Running Away

There were signs.

Clouds parting. Improbable whale sightings. Impromptu conversations with the perfect strangers.

Signs all leading to confirmation. The Universe was saying in no uncertain terms: DO IT!

So we did. . .

We packed our stuff. (The stuff we truly loved.)

We gave away a lot. “Here take this. You, would you like that?”

We sold the rest…cars, TV, couches, planters, tools, all of it.

We made mistakes. I get weepy thinking about my bygone spice collection. (But healing is buying new spices, right?)

From the decision to departure? 1 month.

Like if we didn’t do it now, we’d talk ourselves out of it.

Instead, we were as fast as the wind and blew on out of there. It was crazy, but actually pretty seamless. Another good sign.

We left. Gung-ho. On an adventure. Husband, wife, and dog.

We hit the road, in the vehicle we lovingly called the MU, short for Mobile Unit. Because living in the MU sounds so much less homeless than living in a van.

But we were, in fact, homeless and living in a van. By choice and with intention, but, nonetheless homeless and van. Go figure.

We were traveling fast toward a new destination, to a new life, and yet we had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. We were fueled by compulsion.

Compulsion? Why this compulsion to get away?

What were we running from?

I did ask those questions. Later.

I understood the point was to find a new home, a new way of living, a new tribe, new energy, new sights and sounds, even new weather.

But why the hurry? Why the urgency? What were you running from, girly?

Why would you leave your beautifully constructed, well-oiled life?

Here are the answers that come easily, that float to the surface:

• Adventure. It was time for one.
• Great. The status quo was good. Really quite good. But I was ready for GREAT.
• Finances. That we would use all our money to pay for the house on the hill and be slaves to the mortgage forever and ever. Which leads to…
• Freedom. The incredible high of not being shackled to anything. (This admittedly strange coming from a nester.)
• Desire. For new sights, sounds, smells, and tastes. A clean slate. A do-over.
• Connection. To a new place, to each other, to our lives more fully.

All good reasons. All true.

Yet they don’t answer the question of urgency, right?

The answer?

I wasn’t paying attention.

Really. Yup. As simple as that.

All the previous messages were ignored. All the signs to tweak this and change that–vaguely felt and rushed past.

So when the idea came to pick up and leave, all the parts that had been ignored and buried, rallied together and pushed. And they pushed hard.

Their sum was greater than their parts. This was their chance and they were not going to leave anything to fate. (And yet, one could argue, that’s exactly what it was.)

The momentum they created, when they latched onto the idea, was unstoppable. There was nothing to do but go.

And that is how it happened. That is how we left. In a dead heat. Not quite sure what we were running away from, but certainly running.

And not at all clear about what we were running toward, but knowing that it must be done.

And I don’t regret a thing. (Okay, sometimes I miss the sun on my face + al pastor taco at Tacubaya, my favorite lunch spot in Berkeley, CA.)

The trip was great, the landing was unexpected, and the re-creating of home has been ever so much fun.

You can read about that in on finding home, the circuitous path.